Category: Women

The second instalment of this week of inspirational women goes to another feisty fucker who got shit done and pioneered for women in her field. This bad bitch took on the world to lay down the law… she was one of the first female lawyers, pun intended.

Meet Belva Ann Lockwood, born October 24^th 1830 in New York. I’m always surprised I’ve never heard of these people because she seriously fucking smashed it; prepare to have your silly fucking judge wig flipped.

When Belva was 18 she married a local farmer and thought everything was fan-dabby-dosy, then the inconsiderate douche decided to die of tuberculosis a couple years in. Belva realised she was up shit creak, and like any sensible person would turned to the all knowing power of books. She started prepping to go to college, and I’ll give you one guess about how everyone else felt about it. Yeah, not cool.

She initially thought teaching would be a good shout and moulded a few cheeky little minds, encouraging the expansion of women’s curriculum to include public speaking, botany, etc. She climbed the ladder of success in this field shitting upon those who doubted her on the lower rungs. Once she’d filled her boots of the whole teaching thing she stepped it up with trying to get her law on. Of course this was a whole other pain in the vag and she had to keep applying for a few years before someone gave her a shot. Then they pulled the biggest piss take since… Well I couldn’t find a historical urine theft but you get what I was going for. After completing all of her classes and work they straight up said nah fuck you, you can’t have the degree. Obviously she was fucking livid and wrote to the fucking president! A few weeks after the degree was magically granted.

Her law career was riddled with people being cunts as you can imagine, but her persistence got the best and she managed to get into the Supreme fucking Court!!! It’s here she rallied hard for equality in various areas and even sponsored the first black member of the Supreme Court. I’d say that’ pretty good going.

This is getting longer than I planned so I’m gonna just give you the glory reel. She ran for president, received an honorary doctorate of law, had several statues of her carved, towns named after her, a ship named after her, her portrait in the national gallery and to top it the fuck off she was inducted into the national women’s hall of fame.

What more can you ask for? The girl was a fucking beast.

It has been a while so I’ve got to start this series of inspirational woman off with an absolute fucking banger! Hold on to your codpieces history fans and let me introduce you to Elizabeth Blackwell.

Elizabeth Blackwell, born 3 February 1821 in Bristol, just happens to be known as the first ever woman to receive a medical degree in the United States and the first woman on the UK medical register. She was such a good-hearted motherfucker she makes Mother Theresa look like Fagan from Oliver Twist. Blackwell was a bit like Nicholas Tesla in the sense that she thought finding a romantic partner was a waste of her massive brain. So she fobbed that off and hit the books pretty fucking hard. A reverend in the town she was living in used to be a physician and liked the way she was thinking so let her borrow his books while she saved for her medical course. She had to save $3,000, which was a fucking toe-curling amount of money at the time. Roughly speaking (and according to an online value of currency convertor) it amounts to about $97,000… Fuck that.

While working as a teacher to save enough cash money dollar dollar bills, she started a Sunday school for slaves as she thought the whole slavery thing was bullshit, fair play. She started sending letters to get her feelers out there for where she could study and everyone were being assholes and palming her off. She was quoted in her autobiography as saying, “As to the opinions of people, I don’t care one straw personally”, which roughly translates today as “Fuck you”. She then just moved up to Philadelphia to hassle these cunts in person. They kept nay-saying her and even admitted that she may be equally as good and then become competition so they’re not going to help her fuck them over.

She finally had her persistence pay off in 1847 when she was accepted to Geneva Medical College. It was pretty lucky as well. The big-wigs of the college were all like “oh fuck, I don’t know what to do”, so they let the class of 150 students vote if she could join on the condition that if even one student said no then she was out on her arse. Everyone was cool though and said yeah fuck it.

So she got her degree and everyone actually thought it was pretty cool. She started working as a physician in a maternity hospital and all was going well. Then, as fate is a cruel cunt, while treating a kid with opthalmia neonatorum (gross scabby eyes) a heaving dollop of eye slop hit her right in the face and completely fucked her left eye. They had to surgically gouge out her eye and shat on her chances of being a surgeon.

However we can end on a happy note as she didn’t let that shit stop her. She went on to open her own infirmary (hospital of sorts), adopt an Irish orphan called Kitty and started a medical school for woman so they didn’t have to deal with all the shit that she did.

All in all I say well fucking done Elizabeth, 10/10.