Category: History

With the news that he is being removed from the $20 note and the bad rep that’s being emphasized I feel he is an appropriate topic. Born March 15^th 1767, Andrew Jackson is most popularly known for being the seventh president of the United States. What you may not know, is that he was one tough son’a’bitch! Imagine pulling a outlaw straight from some wild west shit with a squint in his eyes and a gut full of gravel, and you’ll be thinking on the right lines. This short tempered prez was a prolific dueler, historians aren’t particularly accurate but believe he was in any number between 5 and 100 duels. The most notable being against Charles Dickinson (no… not Charles fucking Dickens the author, it was ‘A Christmas Carol’ not A Cowboy Christmas Carrol). Old Charlie was known to be a fucking belting shot, and Jackson was pretty sure he was gonna get a cap popped in his ass. So Jackson being a mad cunt, just let Charles plant one in his chest, right next to his heart. No fucking worries mate! Once Charles blew his only bullet, Jackson stayed standing and took his sweet ass time to aim his pistol and shot Dickinson dead. Did he get the bullet removed? Did he fuck! Just another to match the one lodged there from a previous dual. He wasn’t just some lawless thug either! Jackson was a smart fucker, he worked as a lawyer before his presidency and always had the common mans best interest at heart. Oh! Here’s my favorite fucking bit! So Jackson just finished signing some presidential shit, right. As he’s leaving, some foolish asshole strolls up and pulls a gun on him. “Click”, the gun misfires. Pulls another gun. “Click” the second gun fucking misfires! At this point I imagine the shit smell emitting from the gunman’s pants is overwhelming. Jackson is livid; he pushes his security aside and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the guy like a human fucking piñata. His men had to pull Jackson off to stop him from beating the guy to death. Interestingly, the pistols were tested afterwards and were found to function completely fine. I like to think the bullets were fucking scared of him. The things Jackson did were pretty fucking impressive, you could and people have filled books on it. I highly recommend having a look into his history. Although I admit he did some questionable things (slave owner, relocation of Native Americans), it is easy to forget the good he did. So when you read about him being pulled from the $20 dollar bill, just remember he wouldn’t give a shit (he actually hated paper money) and if anyone said any of the negative things they are saying to his face he would have fucked them up.

This one’s a bit more recent but an important event in any case, also this girl’s got a huge pair of ovaries and did what she fucking wanted. I’ve always got time for people like this. The Name is Kathrine Switzer, born in Germany 1947. You may not have heard of this runner as she wasn’t the fastest footed female but that’s probably because having a lot of guts weighs you down. She was the daughter of a US army Major and studied for a Bachelors and Masters in journalism at Virginia University, but more integral to this story she was a fan of running. While indulging in her sport, she expressed interest in running a marathon. Her trainer, who declared that it was “too long a run for a fragile woman”, unfortunately shot this down. Obviously this boiled her fucking blood and she went all “you can’t tell me what to fucking do” and started planning. She trained so hard her coach actually realised he was being a bellend and she could do it so supported her in the training. What made this particularly difficult was that the Boston marathon (the one she wished to do) did not allow women to participate at this time. But Kathrine was a sneaky bugger and slung in an application on the sly using just her initials (K.V.Switzer). The organizers were most likely too busy polishing their running shoes and buying short-shorts to realise and accidently assigned Kathrine a number, so she was fucking buzzing. So it all comes out as she turns up on the day, with a little more in the chest area than the other runners, and people are pretty freaked out. She doesn’t give a shit anyway and get’s on with it, she knew she would get shit done even if she had to crawl across the finish line. While she was running, one of events organisers (see picture) tried to grab her to stop her competing but luckily her boyfriend threw him the fuck off Hulk Hogan style. She ran the race and made a decent time. The organisation was suffering from a serious case of hurt ego and banned women from all races that men ran in. Switzer continued to campaign for women’s rights to run and five years later she prevailed. She went on to win the women’s first place in the New York City Marathon in 1974 with a time of 3:07:29. Everyone should take a page out of Kathrine’s running guide and when some dick-for-brains doubts you, fucking do it anyway.