Welcome to the second instalment of this week long series of tortures. Today we’ll be looking at the iron maiden, with a story that may surprise you.
The iron maiden is a big ass metal monster that takes the form of a lung-lacerating lady. It’s essentially a metal coffin filled with spikes that allows for the doors to be closed nice and slow. This would leave anyone inside looking like Swiss fucking cheese.
The first report of it being used was to punish a coin forger on 14th August 1515. Now this is where you’re going to notice an inconsistency. When I tell you that the iron maiden wasn’t invented until 1793 by a cheeky chap who went by the name of Johann Phillipp Siebenkees. I know what you’re think, this guy obviously made the device, travelled back in time and tortured people to be a massive cunt. Well if only that were true. When I say it was invented, I mean he made it up. It was never actually used in medieval times as a method of execution. It was used in the 1700s as a tourist attraction. Yeah, yeah, I know, your life’s a fucking lie.
This is where it actually gets pretty fucking dark. So just because it wasn’t used in the middle ages and when it was invented it was just a tourist attraction, doesn’t mean it was never used.
We all remember Sadam Hussein. Well his son Uday was the head of the Iraq Olympic association. How did he get his athletes motivated? Torture of course. This sick fucker had an Iron maiden built and kept it on the first floor of the soccer department. He would lay down some old school punishments on players who lost tournaments. When they found the iron maiden it was noted that the spikes were blunted from and worn from use. Fuck.
Leonardo Gavinci 