We all know politicians can be slippery bastards, but today’s person of interest doesn’t just take the biscuit. He takes the whole packet and shits in the biscuit tin. John Stonehouse, born 1925 was a Labour party politician (among other things). Coming from a good family with his mother being a mayor, Stonehouse knew he wanted to crawl his way to the top and bite as many ankles as needed on the way.
I will first mention some good the cheeky bugger did, he was an activist for black rights in Rhodesia in the early stages of his career but that just got him thrown the fuck out of Rhodesia. I warn you now, it’s pretty much down hill from here. So he gets appointed as minister of technology only to goof that the fuck up by jamming radio broadcasts after Labour lose the 1970 general election, this obviously rubbed people the wrong fucking way. Some poor bastard was probably phoning in to win some tickets and got shafted because he couldn’t hear which fucking Elvis Presley song was playing.
He sets up a load of businesses because, why the fuck not, which all went tits-up with he dodgy accountancy. So when your businesses are floating in the toilet next to your fat turd of a career, what do you do? Well generally you realise you’re fucked. But not John Stonehouse! He goes to a beach in Miami while running from the shit going on back home and leaves a pile of clothes on the beach before fucking legging it to Australia under a new name with his mistress.
So everyone decided he’s dead and doesn’t really give a fuck. But this guy can’t catch a fucking break. A bank teller spots him thinking he’s some Lord (Lord Lucan) that went missing after his children’s nanny was murdered and calls the cops. The cops put two and two together and bust his bitch ass. The shocking thing was, when on bail he was still allowed to act as an MP! After a trial, in which he defended himself he managed to get away with only seven years in prison. After he died (not a particularly special death), just to put the rotten cherry on this shit sandwich it turned out he was a Czech spy.
Fucking hell, Stonehouse!
Leonardo Gavinci 