Andrew Jackson

With the news that he is being removed from the $20 note and the bad rep that’s being emphasized I feel he is an appropriate topic. Born March 15^th 1767, Andrew Jackson is most popularly known for being the seventh president of the United States. What you may not know, is that he was one tough son’a’bitch! Imagine pulling a outlaw straight from some wild west shit with a squint in his eyes and a gut full of gravel, and you’ll be thinking on the right lines. This short tempered prez was a prolific dueler, historians aren’t particularly accurate but believe he was in any number between 5 and 100 duels. The most notable being against Charles Dickinson (no… not Charles fucking Dickens the author, it was ‘A Christmas Carol’ not A Cowboy Christmas Carrol). Old Charlie was known to be a fucking belting shot, and Jackson was pretty sure he was gonna get a cap popped in his ass. So Jackson being a mad cunt, just let Charles plant one in his chest, right next to his heart. No fucking worries mate! Once Charles blew his only bullet, Jackson stayed standing and took his sweet ass time to aim his pistol and shot Dickinson dead. Did he get the bullet removed? Did he fuck! Just another to match the one lodged there from a previous dual. He wasn’t just some lawless thug either! Jackson was a smart fucker, he worked as a lawyer before his presidency and always had the common mans best interest at heart. Oh! Here’s my favorite fucking bit! So Jackson just finished signing some presidential shit, right. As he’s leaving, some foolish asshole strolls up and pulls a gun on him. “Click”, the gun misfires. Pulls another gun. “Click” the second gun fucking misfires! At this point I imagine the shit smell emitting from the gunman’s pants is overwhelming. Jackson is livid; he pushes his security aside and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the guy like a human fucking piñata. His men had to pull Jackson off to stop him from beating the guy to death. Interestingly, the pistols were tested afterwards and were found to function completely fine. I like to think the bullets were fucking scared of him. The things Jackson did were pretty fucking impressive, you could and people have filled books on it. I highly recommend having a look into his history. Although I admit he did some questionable things (slave owner, relocation of Native Americans), it is easy to forget the good he did. So when you read about him being pulled from the $20 dollar bill, just remember he wouldn’t give a shit (he actually hated paper money) and if anyone said any of the negative things they are saying to his face he would have fucked them up.